Akatsuki on vacation
by lovingsora
Summary: Seven members of the Akatsuki are going on vacation. But this story wouldn't be anything fun if everything went normal...Yes, it's going to be a complete disaster... Have fun with it!
1. Chapter 1

**Akatsuki on vacation.**

_Hi everyone, this is my first fic ever, so don't be mad if it isn't that good. But reviews are nice to read, and certainly if it are good ones...so...just lay back and enjoy the misfortunes from our Akatsuki friends!!_

_BTW, the Akatsuki presented here are Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Tobi, Pein, Konan and Zetsu._

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Eleven o'clock

The Akatsuki went to the airport to take a looooong, nice vacation.

Yes, you read it well.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N.

Even mass murderers sometimes need vacation. Not to mention the fact that a certain 'good boy' always jumped around and drove everybody practically insane, so the leader decided

it would be the best for everyone to be out of business for a while.

But if the Akatsuki went on vacation, you know for sure that something will go wrong. (What would otherwise be the fun of this story?)

And yes, when they were at the airport, everything went (of course) wrong.

"All right," said Pein, the leader of the Akatsuki. "Everyone goes to check in. I expect you all back here in 30 minutes. You may leave."

And so they went to get their tickets. They wanted to fly to a nice, warm area with a dark blue ocean and a white beach. So their destination would be Spain. Aaah, the thought of it.

But if they had known what would happen next, they would have _never_ considered a vacation in the first place…

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_So, first chapter of this story is already here. I hope you enjoy it!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi everyone, I'm back with the next chapter of my little story. Enjoy and feel free to give some comments!!_

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fifty minutes later

With a large scowl on his features, Kisame walked back to the group. "What took you so long to come back, un ?" asked Deidara with his brows furrowed. They were all waiting for him to show up, and Itachi became really pissed off from the late return of Kisame. So in fact Deidara was a bit relieved that he was finally there. Saving Tobi from an angry Itachi (Tobi whined the whole time that he needed to go to the bathroom, and suddenly Itachi snapped and chased Tobi all around the place) wasn't exactly his favourite passtime. "I'm not allowed to go." Kisame said furious. The whole group suddenly stopped moving, not believing their ears. Tobi, on the other hand, was relieved to find Itachi paying attention to Kisame and quickly hid behind Konan. (His feet still hurting from running so fast.)

"Excuse me, would you repeat that please, I'm afraid I didn't hear you correct." said Konan after a short pause. "I said that I'm not allowed to go with you guys." snapped Kisame.

(AN: Boy is he in a good mood!! chuckles)

"The lady at the counter told me that" he said, and in a perky voice he continued: " 'I'm really sorry sir, but you're not allowed to step on board. Fish may only be on board in an aquarium.' So when I said that little bitch that I'm not a fish, I mean, come on, I am a shark for god's sake, then she looked again at me with narrowed eyes and do you know what she said? She said: 'That's right, I've never seen such an ugly fish before, so you can't be related to them. But rules are rules, you're going into an aquarium or you're staying here.'"

Kisame ended his little speech a bit out of breath, his eyes radiating with anger.

But it was still quiet among the members of the Akatsuki. And then a fit of laughter bursted out. Even on the face of the oh so emotionless Uchiha lingered a smirk.

"So she called you a fish, and even an ugly one, un?" laughed Deidara, bend forwards and hands on his side, keeping them from hurting of laughing too much. "Well, I can't say that she needs glasses, un…" After hearing that, a VERY angered Kisame launched forwards to yell at Deidara, or even to chop his head off with his famous large sword, but Pein stopped them with a single word.

"Stop" he said in a calm, dark tone (AN: How original!! XD). But it had enough effect. Everybody went quiet to listen to their leader (Altough Konan had to wipe her eyes quickly from laughing too hard).

Leader continued: "Zetsu also isn't allowed to go with us, because he's a plant. So I suggest you two return to our hideout and make sure it is cleaned when we return."

Kisame wasn't very happy with that answer, but it was his leader's order. So he and Zetsu waited in the large hall and watched their friends leave to the metal detector.

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_Aaaaah, poor Kisame and Zetsu. But don't worry, they wont be alone for a long time..._


	3. Chapter 3

"Soooo…."started Kisame uncomfortable. "You are also not allowed to go? Good, then I'll have some company back home, even if it's from someone like you." Zetsu only watched Kisame with an unemotional face and didn't say anything. Kisame felt a bit uneasy by that, but started to glare at him. After four minutes he had to gave it up. With a little scowl he averted his eyes to the direction were his fellow comrades went to, and to his surprise he saw Deidara and Pein coming back to them. When they reached the seats ,were Kisame and Zetsu were sitting, Pein shot them each one death glare (Kisame quickly shut his mouth again, not daring to ask what's wrong) and disappeard in the crowd of people.

Deidara sighed and plopped onto the seat next to Kisame. "You're probably wondering why we're back and the other not, un?" he asked. Kisame and Zetsu only nodded. Deidara sighed aqain. "Well, when we were qoing trough the metal detector, they also scanned my luggage…" "And they founded some clay bombs" added Zetsu monotonely. Deidara sighed again and nodded. "I understand" replied Kisame "So you probably had to run from the security, right?" "Yeah…" "But what happened with Leader-sama?" At this, Deidara began grinning as a mad man by the memorie of what happened before. "Well," he began "Leader-sama went through the metal detector, but with all of his piercings that thing just kept on making noise. So he had to remove every single piercing. And I can tell you, he's totally different without all that metal on his face. Anyway, all of his piercings at his face were removed" "Wait, what do you mean, all of his piercings _at his face _were removed. Does he has piercings somewhere else too?" interrupted Kisame. Deidara just kept on grinning and sushed him. "Just listen to this story, it's really funny. So, anyway, all of leader-sama's piercings were removed. So he stepped again through the detector and guessed what? It started bleeping again. So the security gards became a bit suspicious and they began to bodysearch him with some stick to detect metal. So they went with this stick past his arms, his hands, his torso, his legs… nothing happened. Until they came with the stick _between_ his legs…"Deidara couldn't contain him any longer and bursted out again in laughter. Kisame looked at him with unbelievable eyes, but with a small grin on his lips. "Hey, you don't want to say that…..he…." At this point Kisame also began to laugh uncontrollable.

"You really had to see his face when that thing kept bleeping between his legs. And man, I've never heard in my life so much noise! That thing just freaked out, what means there is a lot of metal…"Deidara laughed again with tears in his eyes. "But he refused to take his pants off and to remove the piercings. So he isn't allowed on the plane either, un!!"

Deidara, Kisame and even Zetsu fell into laughter again after the mental image of Pein taking off his pants.

Until they heard a cough behind them.

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_Thanks for reading everyone! If there are spelling mistakes in it, please let me know! Suggestions are also welcome (You never know when someone has a good idea!)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone**

**It's already chapter four of my story. Next chapter is going to be my last chapter for this story. So please tell me if it was good or not.**

**Enjoy it!!**

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They all three froze dead in their seats. Slowly they turned around, with pale faces and huge eyes. And yes…there he stood. Their famous leader. With a V-E-R-Y angry look in his eyes and his face twisted with rage.

And with something shining in his right hand…

Upon seeing the piercing, Kisame's eyes went huge and Deidara's face went red. Very red. Even a tomatoe would be sickly jealous upon seeing the beautiful red at bomberman's face.

But unfortunately Pein didn't like tomatoes very much.

And certainly not when it was almost bursting with laughter…again. Kisame and Zetsu also joined in. Tears were streaming out of their eyes and Kisame even wet himself a bit. But Pein didn't see the humour of it. "You three.." he said in a low, dangerous tone. They immediately shut up, but it was too late. "You three are going back to our home. For the next three months you all are going to do the housekeeping. And after that you are going to get the jinchuuriki. All of them. And alive. And you're not going back to the hideout if you don't find them."

And after this small treatment, Pein turned around and went away.

There was a long pause between the three members of the Akatsuki. "Well, atleast he didn't kill us for laughing…" Kisame finally said. "…Yeah…"answered Deidara with a small grin. Even the quiet Zetsu gave them a little nod. And so they went after their leader, returning to their hideout from which they had thought they wouldn't see it for two weeks.

Yup, like Neji would have said: "It was destiny."

Meanwhile

With a bored expression on his handsome features, Itachi walked next to Konan, both in silence. They both tried to ignore the fact that Tobi was jumping and running around like he had sat on a cactus or something. Thank God he has stopped whining about going to the bathroom.

Or so he thought.

"Tobi needs to pee!" said Tobi while tugging at Itachi's sleeve.

Itachi's eye twitched.

Not good.

"Actually this could be fun" Konan thought amused. "Seeing Itachi, a master killer, loosing his calmness _again _by such a little boy and chasing him all across the place is very funny to watch. Ha, and I really want to see Uchiha's face when I'll decide to help Tobi and turn him into a voodoo doll. Then I let _him _chase after Itachi, with something sharp and painful in his hands. Then we will see the _real_ speed of the famous Uchiha Itachi."

After the mental image of Itachi running for his life (with his Akatsuki robe tilted up like a woman) and with a little boy laughing maniacally after him, waving like crazy with a needle (even that could be considered as a weapon: sharp and painful LOL!), Konan choked on her own spit and began giggling hysterically. But this action caused Itachi to avert his red eyes to the woman and glaring directly at her. After seeing his face, Konan quickly saved her (and Tobi's) butt. "Tobi," she said, "here you have some money. Why don't you go buy some sweets for you?" Tobi jumped up and down and quickly grabbed the money Konan held in front of his face. Then he ran away to a nearby store while shouting "Tobi is a good boy, so Tobi want a lollipop!!"

The two other members of the Akatsuki only stared after him. It was a mystery why good boy was in the Akatsuki in the first place.

After a short silence Itachi spoke.

"Thanks" he said monotonously.

Konan sweatdropped. The words 'Itachi' and 'thanks' in one sentence didn't feel right, but she let it go. After all, she didn't want to piss him off. Otherwise her vacation would be a total mess. And she wouldn't want to miss it for all the money in the world.

Itachi meanwhile had another problem. "Great" he thought. "I just get rid of problem one and there is problem two already. Damm Tobi and his bathroom…"

"Konan" he stated flatly. "You and Tobi go to the plane, I will follow soon."

Konan didn't dare to ask what he was going to do. She wasn't that stupid. So she called Tobi and they went to the gate. Konan quickly glanced behind her and started snickering.

Uchiha Itachi just disappeared in the nearest man toilet…

Later

When Itachi came back from the bathroom, he heard someone announcing: "Attention! We recommend that everyone going to Spain and Antarctica step up on board. We're are leaving within a half an hour. I repeat…" Itachi didn't listen anymore. He needed to catch his flight now. He went to the gate and gave his ticket. The man controlled it and looked at Itachi. Upon seeing his emotionless face and bloodred eyes, the man visibly began shaking. "Uuuuuhhm…excuse me….sir….but this… this…" Itachi cut the stuttering man of. "Well, are you letting me through or what ? " "Uuuuhhm….well….no but… " the man stuttered, but fell silent when Itachi quirked an eyebrow. This man wouldn't let him pass? Well, then he would made him pass. Itachi activated his Mangekyou.

After 72 hours of torture (altough it was only a few seconds in the real world) the man fell on the ground, dead. People began screaming, and Itachi used the distracting to disappear in the large crowd.

So he could cath his flight to his much needed vacation.

He stepped on the plane and plopped down with a deep sigh.

"_Spain, I'm coming!" _he thought with a smirk.

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**So, what will happen next? Only one way to find out...wait for the final chapter of course!!**

**love from lovingsora**


	5. End

_Hi everyone!_

_This is the last chapter!! Just read and enjoy. And I want to thank Loveisahell, lady Alexas and missyserena214. Because they were the ones who gave me my first reviews. And that feels good! Thank you guys, you're wonderful!!_

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Two months later

The door of the living room of the hideout swung open to reveal a very happy Tobi and a smiling Konan. "Hi everyone! We're back" Konan said cheerfully. But her smile quickly fell upon seeing her comrades. Deidara had a bandage across his head and he had a broken arm, Zetsu had a broken leg and several bruises upon his body and Kisame didn't have teeth anymore. "What happened?" Konan asked startled. "They are punished" answered another voice. Tobi and Konan both swirled around to see Pein leaning against the wall, face hid in the shadows.

"They are cleaning the house and searching for the kyuubi and the other demons." And then he turned around and left. Konan frowned. "I don't even want to know what you guys did to offend him this much." "And I wish we didn't do it either, un" said Deidara with a miserable expression on his face. "Running after the Kazekage and the Kyuubi brat isn't really how I imagined our vacation would be. But let's talk about Spain. How was it, un?" he asked. Tobi happily exclaimed : "It was wonderful! There was a white beach with a huuuuuuuuuuuuge blue ocean and it was hot there and there were a lot of coloured fishes in the water but I didn't like the food it was too spicy and there were…" Konan cut him quickly off, or he would rambling on forever. "It was pretty nice," she said calmly. "Good weather and good…erm… well…what Tobi said." she ended rather unsure. But then a memory flashed behind her eyes and she began to grin. The other three glanced at each other and looked then suspicious at her.

"All righs, whas happenes so make you laus like sas?" asked Kisame (AN : I suspect it's hard to talk normal without teeth in your mouth. Quick translation: 'All right, what happened to make you laugh like that?')

"Well, there was a…'problem'…with Tobi" Konan started. "On the fifth day of our holiday, after visiting the beach, we went back to our hotel. It was already seven o'clock, so we decided to eat a snack at the bar of the hotel. But by the looks of it, there was a little party going on. So we decided to join in and have some fun. And there were some girls who really kept looking at us. First I thought it was because their boyfriends kept glancing at me, but later I realised…that…" Konan began giggling while Tobi visibly paled. Deidara and Kisame quirked their brows. What the hell has happened?

_Flashback_

_Konan glared at some women. Really, hadn't they heard about the word 'subtle' before? Such a shame… "Hi there!" spoke a high, girly voice. Konan was startled and heat rised to her cheeks. Damn, she hadn't noticed the woman coming to their table. And she's a ninja for God's sake! She looked towards the woman and opened her mouth. _

_But what she saw did her shut her mouth closed. The woman was speaking towards Tobi? Who the hell would speak to Tobi? Didn't she had any brains or something? But by glancing at the woman she knew the answer. Konan was right. The woman was beautiful and very curvy, but she had indeed no brains. Obviously. She was the type of woman who would get the joke when everybody else has done laughing an hour ago._

_No, scratch that._

_It'll take at least a day._

_Yep, that's better._

_The woman continued looking at Tobi. "Hi you, would you like to dance with me?" she said while fluttering her eyelashes. Konan, who just took a sip of her drink, almost choked in it. She actually asked Tobi to dance?And she flirted with him? Now Konan was a bit worried. This woman wasn't stupid. She only escaped a mental hospital._

_But Tobi was, of course, happy and wipped from his seat. "Tobi would like to dance!" he exclaimed happily. And so they went to dance. Konan watched the duo with big eyes. When Tobi and Brainless (nickname for the woman) reached the dancefloor, Brainless immediately started dirty dancing around poor Tobi. Tobi himself only stood there, not knowing what to do. It was an odd sight, that's for sure. _

_A slow began to play._

_Suddenly the woman (who was about three feet bigger than Tobi) hoisted Tobi up and she began to slow with him. Tobi paled a bit. He was dangling three feet above the ground and his little face was firmly squished between her breasts. Not very comfortable._

_Konan decided to interfere. Not because she wanted to save Tobi (Hell no, it was fun to see him suffocating), but to teach Brainless a little lesson. How dared she, some brainless beauty, ignore Konan, a real kunoichi with amazing skills? Sheez, Brainless really had a dead wish. Was the mental institution that bad?_

"_Excuse me," Konan said with a deadly sweet smile upon her lips, "but I think it's time for us to go to our room. It has been a long day and we're very tired." Brainless glanced towards Konan. "So? No one's going to hold you back. Go sleep if you want, but I want to dance with this cute little boy. Bye!" And she danced further, now completely ignoring Konan. _

_Konan was furious. That……that…_'_creature' was really getting on her nerves. _

_But it was Tobi who saved the situation. _

_Tobi already regretted his decision to dance with this woman. __Sure, he only did it because he had the chance to get a big hug while slowing, but now he could't breath anymore. __He was squished between two large, soft…_'_NO ! NO ! Don't think about that' Tobi mentally shouted at himself. _'_Bad boy! Tobi is a bad bo…'_

_Wait, he called himself a bad boy? This woman really had a bad influence on him!_

_Tobi started panicking. __'I have to get out of here as quick as possible!' He thought panicked._

_He felt the woman stopping and he faintly heard the woman speak to Konan. 'Konan is going to save me!' he thought happily. But then he felt the woman moving again. That's when he started panicking again. 'I have to get out of here!' And he did the first thing wich came in his mind._

_Konan just wanted to release one of her voodoo dolls on Brainless, when she saw Tobi suddenly moving. He started to flail his arms and legs everywhere. People who were unlucky to be near him, were knocked unconsious. It was a miracle that the woman still stood on her feet. Tobi wriggled frantically, but the woman was determined to keep Tobi for herself, so she only hugged him thighter._

_But that was a bad move. _

_Tobi suddenly planted his little fist on the woman's nose. __She screamed from pain and released Tobi at once. He fell from three feet height on the ground. 'Ground!! __Holy ground!!' __Tobi thought and immediately began kissing it. Konan was just laughing hysterically. She saw some men and woman quickly running towards the fallen beauty, trying to nursering her broken nose. But Konan saw already it would be spilled time. The woman would never be a beauty again. And with a smile on her face, Konan turned around and, together with Tobi, left the party. Yes, revenge was sweet, even if she didn't do anything._

The three shinobi in the room snickered. That was nice! Now Tobi wouldn't bug them anymore for a hug. "Oh by the way, where is Itachi?" Kisame suddenly asked.

That's true, Itachi wasn't there.

Tobi and Konan looked confused. "He didn't travelled with us, we thought he came back with you?"

A long silence followed.

Where the hell was Itachi?

Suddenly the door swung open. The Akatsuki members looked up. There stood a blue figure.

"Hey, I didn't know you had a twin brother, un." asked Deidara.

But Kisame looked also confused. "I haven't one."

Surprisingly it was Zetsu who spoke. "That's Itachi!" Everybody suddenly tensed. Itachi?

"What the hell happened?" yelled Kisame while he and Deidara helped the frozen Itachi sitting on the carpet, while Konan hastily made a fire. (Yes, Itachi is frozen LOL!)

"T..Took the wr..wrong pla….plane…" managed Itachi to say. "Went to..to Ant…anta….Atarctica…cold…………. so…cold…" he said through clattering teeth.

And so ended the much needed vacation for the Akatsuki. Now you know also why Itachi mastered his fireball skills !

The end

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_So, this is my first story ever. Tell me if I did a good job or not. I'd love to hear from you!!_

_lovingsora_


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